At the beginning of a new year, we look back on the past and hope for the best in the future. In the UK, 2023 started with political chaos, the cost-of-living crisis, and the continuing war in Ukraine, and ended with the heart-wrenching trauma from Israel and Gaza. There was the disappointing COP 28 and 2023 recorded as the hottest global temperature – more than 1.4 degrees Celsius warmer than pre-industrial levels. Although climate scientists predict that many other records could be broken in 2024 with a potential “super El Niño”. This phenomenon is caused by high temperatures in the Pacific Ocean that disrupt the Earth’s weather systems and increase the risk of heatwaves, wildfires, and floods. Maybe things have to get worse before they get better. We hope that 2024 brings greater peace and stability and re-assess how we live on this rare, beautiful, but fragile planet. In this context, it is useful to experience compassion as expanding circles of care, kindness, and understanding that begin with yourself, then your family, community, and country, and then to all people and living creatures, nature, and the environment.
At this time of year, it’s traditional to make resolutions, commit to doing more exercise, improve our diet, take up a new interest, or progress in our career. The fact is that most resolutions are forgotten by the end of January. Although setting personal goals is useful, we can often be hard on ourselves if expectations are not met. In mindfulness practice, we tend to set intentions rather than goals. Taking the bigger, as well as personal challenges into account, one useful intention for the year is to start from the first circle of compassion, to be kind to yourself and others.
We all have faults and make mistakes; that’s part of being human. Self-compassion is about accepting our imperfections and relating to the complete and whole sense of who we are, rather than a limited part of ourselves. In the time-poor, stress-bound world we live in, many of us entertain and identify with the harsh-voiced inner critic; although we may consider ourselves generally kind to others, there are many times when we could have responded with greater kindness, even to the people we are closest to.
Although the culture many of us grew up in taught us that we’ll only succeed by being hard on ourselves, the reverse is actually true. Self-criticism erodes our self-worth and increases anxiety, anger, and low mood. Leading a good-enough, rather than a perfect life means practicing self-compassion. It also means realising that in the Western world, we are embedded in a biased culture that encourages competition and challenges our self-worth, so that we become compliant consumers. Recent research on people who developed greater self-compassion found that they performed better at tasks and were generally a lot happier.
So, here are some tips on bringing self-compassion and kindness into your year:
- Don’t assume that you’re naturally kind to yourself; really listen to the quality of the self-talk you identify with, using curiosity, kindness, and beginner’s mind – as if you never really heard your self-talk before.
- Cultivate greater awareness, appreciation, gratitude, care, and compassion for your body, for all of the stress, strain, and negative judgements you impose on it. Try relating to your body with the same compassion as if it was a favourite child or pet you care about.
- Bring moments of peace and calm into your day by pausing between activities and bringing your attention and awareness to your body and breath.
Learning to be more self-compassionate takes time; it’s a marathon, not a sprint, which is why setting the intention for the year is a useful timeframe. Many hidden aspects of ourselves are worth exploring and self-compassion can help light the way. As the 14th Dalai Lama said, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
Suggested weekly practice
- Review any New Year’s resolutions, goals, or intentions and weave in some kindness and self-compassion.
- As well as resolutions, review your intentions for mindful self-development for the year. For instance, to meditate every day, to notice more, to be less reactive, or to bring kindness and compassion into each day.
- Watch out for difficult things that you habitually tend to avoid and instead, find the inner courage to move towards the difficult, and befriend it with kindness and understanding.
Guidance
Find somewhere undisturbed and sit in a comfortable, dignified and upright posture, where you can remain alert and aware.
There are two guided practices for this session. You can close your eyes, or lower your gaze while the meditations play.
- Play the first settling practice, then read through the session content, which you can print off if that helps.
- Then play the second practice to explore and experience self-compassion and set intentions to be kind to yourself over the coming year.
Share on