In 1985, Gilbert Furian was arrested as a political prisoner and imprisoned in the Stasi detention centre in East Berlin. He endured gruelling interrogation, was deprived of sleep, and lived in a cell of only fifteen square metres. Rather than crumbling in despair, part of Furian’s response was to create some space between himself and his emotions and not take what was happening to him personally. When he was released three years later, one surprising outcome was that he experienced no post-traumatic stress and bore little resentment towards the people responsible for what happened to him. Later, as a radio host, he even went on to interview his prison guards and now volunteers to take visitors around the Stasi prison where he was held. Furian’s character traits in coping with trauma and adversity are now being explored by academics researching resilience.
Victor Frankl, a psychotherapist, and author, also went through trauma as a concentration camp prisoner during the Second World War. He found the inner resources to survive by changing his relationship with the adversity he was experiencing. He said, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Our attitude towards something is the collection of held beliefs, perceptions, feelings, and behaviours. For instance, if we’re afraid of spiders, we might also believe that they’re dangerous, see their body and legs as repulsive, and panic when we see one. Another way of looking at attitude is how we frame and relate to something. People in much more challenging situations than ours have demonstrated that it’s possible to choose our attitude and change our relationship with our experience.
When we encounter conflict and difficulties, we tend to ruminate on negative and worrying thoughts as we try to resolve the situation. We’re also likely to push away painful emotions and avoid or resist what’s happening. For instance, if we’re going through an organisational change, we may feel anger and anxiety. We then avoid these unpleasant feelings and resist the fact that the change is happening. We often take things personally when much of what happens to us is impersonal. Probably, the change will happen whether we work in that organisation or not. When we identify with a problem, it can easily become part of who we are, which limits our ability to work with it objectively.
When we find ourselves stuck with a negative attitude to a situation that’s not serving us or other people, one practical approach is to:
· Acknowledge and let go of any held thoughts, beliefs, and judgements.
· Acknowledge and let go of any held emotions and feelings in our body.
· Use openness to reframe the situation by exploring potential positive outcomes.
· See if it’s possible to let go of taking it personally.
· Embrace the situation with this new optimistic and open attitude.
Some of these are mindful attitudes. Other mindfulness skills and attitudes that can help include:
- Connecting with our body and the present moment, away from ruminating thoughts about the past or future
- Allowing emotions to be felt and experienced so they flow through us, rather than becoming held in our bodies.
- Being non-judging by allowing things to be just as they are, rather than seeing things as good or bad, or things I like or don’t like.
- Bringing acceptance, a willingness to see things as they actually are in the present moment, without resisting or avoiding the reality of experience.
- Bringing an openness to possibilities and creating the space to choose our attitude and response.
- Bringing kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others. After all, everyone experiences difficulties and challenges and has a rich inner life just like our own.
Few people manage to navigate through life without having to overcome difficulties and challenges. Remembering that whatever happens, you always have the freedom to choose your attitude towards it, is a powerful source of resilience that will help you navigate through life with greater ease.
Suggested weekly practice
- When you encounter a challenging situation see if you can observe the immediate attitude that arises and whether or not this serves you and others.
- If the attitude does not serve you, try working through the approach outlined above to see if you can change your relationship to the situation.
- Practice acceptance and explore how much you take life events personally that are actually impersonal.
Guidance
- Find somewhere undisturbed and sit in a comfortable, dignified and upright posture, where you can remain alert and aware.
- There are two guided practices for this session. You can close your eyes, or lower your gaze while the meditations play.
- Play the first settling practice, then read through the session content, which you can print off if that helps.
- Then play the second practice to explore a difficulty in your life and bring a mindful approach to changing your attitude and relationship with it.
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